3 Steps to Move Clients from Conflict to Clarity Using the Empowerment Triangle

A Moment You’ve Probably Witnessed Before…

“I’m just trying to help, but nothing I do is good enough.”

You’ve heard this in session before—maybe more times than you can count. One partner is worn down from constantly trying to smooth things over. The other is frustrated, feeling unheard or controlled.

And as they both speak, you can almost see the invisible roles taking shape. One starts to sound like the Victim, the other the Persecutor, and before long, they’ve switched places.

What started as a conversation about laundry or logistics has snowballed into something far more emotional… far more familiar.

And in that moment, you feel the weight of something deeper—a loop they can’t seem to step out of.

These tangled, reactive dynamics show up so often in couples work. Even in individual therapy, echoes of these patterns appear in how clients describe their relationships—with partners, family members, even coworkers.

And while these moments can feel messy, there’s a model that can help make sense of them.

Something that gives both you and your clients the language to name what’s happening—and a way forward.

It’s called the Drama Triangle.

What Is the Drama Triangle—And Why Does It Show Up in Your Office So Often?

Even if the term is new, the pattern isn’t.

The Drama Triangle—developed by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman—outlines three roles people tend to fall into when conflict arises:

• The Victim: feels helpless, misunderstood, or overwhelmed—often waiting for someone to make things better.

• The Rescuer: jumps in to save the day, whether or not help was actually asked for.

• The Persecutor: brings blame or control into the mix, usually from a place of anger, fear, or frustration.

What makes this triangle especially tricky is how quickly people shift between the roles.

The Victim becomes the Persecutor, the Rescuer ends up feeling victimized, and the cycle spins on—sometimes all within one conversation.

In couples therapy, it can unfold so subtly that you don’t even realize it’s happening until emotions are already running high.

But once you know the pattern, you start to hear it. You start to feel it in the room.

And that’s where the real work begins.

This model isn’t about assigning labels. It’s about giving clients—and you—a way to see the dynamic so you can help shift it.

That’s why the Drama Triangle Workbook can be such a powerful tool. It walks through each role with clarity and compassion, offering reflection prompts and concrete strategies to help clients break the cycle.

Because when clients can name the role they’re playing, they can begin to change the story.

🔍 Role by Role: Working with the Drama Triangle in Therapy

Once you start to see the Drama Triangle in action, you begin to notice how often it plays out—in couples sessions, in individual work, and across many relational dynamics. Let's take a closer look at each role and what it might look like in practice.

🧱 The Victim: “I can’t do anything right.”

A partner sits across the room, folded in on themselves. “I just don’t know what else to do. Nothing I say matters. I’m always wrong.”

In couples therapy, the Victim role often shows up as withdrawal, helplessness, or a subtle invitation for the therapist—or their partner—to step in and fix things. It’s not about manipulation—it’s a survival strategy. But it can leave both people feeling stuck.

In individual therapy, it might sound like: “If I could just get them to change, maybe I could finally be happy.”

This client may seem passive, exhausted, or hopeless. They’re often aware something isn’t working but unsure how to move forward. Their sense of agency has been replaced by resignation.

💡 The Drama Triangle Workbook gently helps clients identify where they may be operating from the Victim role and offers reflection questions that reconnect them with possibility and personal choice.

🔥 The Persecutor: “It’s always their fault.”

Across the couch, a client crosses their arms. “They say I’m controlling—but if I don’t manage everything, it all falls apart.”

Persecutors don’t always come off as harsh or cruel. Sometimes, their role emerges through sarcasm, defensiveness, or frustration with a partner’s perceived incompetence.

In a couple, one partner may push, criticize, or control—not to harm, but because they don’t trust things will get done otherwise. In individual therapy, a client may recount conversations where they “just told the truth,” but the other person overreacted. They don’t see themselves as aggressive—but they often feel unfairly blamed.

Often, underneath the Persecutor role is a deep fear: fear of being vulnerable, dismissed, or ignored.

💡 The workbook explores the deeper layers behind this role and guides clients toward more constructive forms of communication—without losing their voice.

🤝 The Rescuer: “I’m just trying to help.”

Rescuers mean well—but they’re often carrying way too much.

In a couple, the Rescuer might be the one handling all the emotional labor, scheduling appointments, defusing arguments, and keeping the peace. They might say: “I don’t mind doing the extra work—I just want things to feel okay again.” But eventually, they feel drained and unappreciated.

Individually, a client in the Rescuer role might describe constant worry about how others are doing, while quietly neglecting their own needs. They may feel anxious when they’re not helping, unsure who they are outside of that role.

The Rescuer’s support can unintentionally reinforce the Victim’s dependence—and keep both people stuck.

💡 The workbook supports clients in stepping back from over-functioning and beginning to view help through the lens of empowerment, not rescue.

Each role tells part of the story—but none of them are the full picture. When clients start to see these patterns clearly, they often feel both relieved and ready for change.

And that’s where the next phase begins: empowerment.

🌱 From Drama to Empowerment

Once clients start to recognize the patterns of the Drama Triangle, something powerful happens: they begin to realize they have options. They don’t have to stay stuck in blame, helplessness, or over-functioning.

That’s where the Empowerment Triangle comes in—a strengths-based reframe that helps clients move from reactivity to responsibility, from tension to growth.

In this model, the familiar roles take on new, healthier forms:

• Victim becomes the Creator

• Rescuer becomes the Coach

• Persecutor becomes the Challenger

  
  

Let’s look at what that shift can sound like in session.

🌟 The Creator (formerly the Victim)

Instead of focusing on what they can’t control, the Creator turns toward what is possible.

In couples work, this might sound like: “I know I shut down when we argue. I’m trying to speak up earlier—before I get overwhelmed.”

In individual therapy, a Creator might say: “I’ve been journaling about what I want in my relationships instead of only reacting to what hurts.”

The Creator isn’t about false positivity—it’s about stepping back into agency, even in small ways.

💡 The workbook helps clients reflect on where they’ve felt stuck and invites them to identify values-aligned actions they’re ready to take.

🌱 The Coach (formerly the Rescuer)

Coaches still care deeply—but instead of swooping in, they support from the side. They trust that others are capable of their own growth.

In couples therapy, the Coach might say: “I want to be there for you, but I also know you need to figure this out in your own way. I’m here when you’re ready.”

In individual sessions, clients might realize: “I’ve been trying to fix everything for my family. Maybe I can step back and let them take the lead.”

The Coach empowers without enabling.

💡 Workbook prompts guide clients to consider how they can shift from over-functioning to offering grounded, respectful support.

🔍 The Challenger (formerly the Persecutor)

When someone steps into the Challenger role, they’re still direct—but their intention is growth, not control.

In couples therapy, the Challenger might say: “I need to be honest about how that made me feel, because I care about this relationship.”

In individual work, clients may realize: “It’s hard for me to give feedback—I usually avoid it or go all in. I’m practicing a middle ground.”

Challengers set boundaries, ask important questions, and challenge stuck dynamics—in ways that invite change, not shutdown.

💡 The workbook offers scripts and prompts that help clients express themselves assertively and constructively.

As clients begin to try on these new roles, they often describe a sense of relief. It feels good to step out of survival mode and into something more intentional.

And as a therapist, you don’t have to carry that shift alone. The workbook is there to support both you and your clients in making these changes stick.

Want a few more real-life examples and helpful tips about the Drama Triangle? 🌟

Take a look at our other blog, The Drama Triangle Workbook: Tools for Relationship Transformation — it’s full of practical insights to help you along the way. 🌿

🛠️ How the Workbook Helps You Work Smarter, Not Harder

There’s something incredibly relieving—for both therapist and client—when a tangled dynamic finally has a name. When that “something’s off” feeling becomes a defined, recognizable pattern. And even better? When there’s a resource that helps you work through it.

That’s exactly what The Drama Triangle Workbook for Relationship Couples Counseling was created to do.

Whether you’re working with individuals navigating relational stress or couples caught in looping arguments, this workbook provides a clear, compassionate structure to support the process.

Inside, you’ll find:

• A 33-page fillable PDF, available in US and A4 sizes

• Dedicated sections on each of the Drama Triangle roles (Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer)

• Practical strategies for shifting into the Empowerment Triangle (Creator, Coach, Challenger)

• Reflection prompts that encourage insight without overwhelm

• Thoughtful, relatable real-life scenarios that help clients connect theory to lived experience

It’s the kind of tool that gives shape to the work you're already doing in the room—while helping clients explore their roles more deeply between sessions.

You’re still holding the space. The relationship is still central. But now you’ve got something in-hand that supports that work—especially in those moments when clients are ready for more than just conversation. They’re ready to do something with what they’re learning.

It’s not about giving clients homework. It’s about giving them something meaningful to hold onto—so the insight doesn’t end when the session does.

📌 A Quick Recap

Understanding the Drama Triangle gives clients something they often long for: clarity. And for you, it offers a simple framework to make sense of some of the most complex relationship dynamics that show up in therapy.

Here’s a quick recap of what we’ve covered:

• The Drama Triangle (Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer) isn’t about labels—it’s about recognizing stuck patterns that keep clients looping in conflict.

• These roles often shift rapidly and unconsciously, especially in emotionally charged relationships.

• The Empowerment Triangle (Creator, Coach, Challenger) offers a hopeful alternative—one that centers growth, agency, and connection.

• Real change happens when clients can see these patterns and begin to practice something different.

• The Drama Triangle Workbook is designed to support that process with reflection prompts, scenarios, and strategies—making it easier for clients to connect the dots and take meaningful steps forward.

Whether you’re working with individuals or couples, this tool is here to support your process—not replace it. It simply makes the invisible visible, so clients (and you) can move with more clarity and confidence.

Some patterns are so familiar, clients don’t even realize they’re stuck in them. And some days, no matter how seasoned you are, it helps to have something concrete to guide the conversation and lighten the emotional load—for both you and the people you’re supporting.

The Drama Triangle Workbook for Relationship Couples Counseling was created with that in mind. Whether you’re sitting with one client or two, it offers structure, language, and space to reflect—without overwhelming the process.

If it feels like the right fit, you can learn more or download it here.

Gentle Observation: Sometimes the shift doesn’t start with a breakthrough. It starts with a small moment of recognition. A pause. A page. A sentence that lands just right.

And sometimes, having the right resource nearby means you’re ready when that moment comes.

You’re already doing the hard work. This just helps it land a little deeper.

Jemma(Gentle Observation Team)

P.S. If you're a member of the Therapy Resource Library, don't forget—you already have access to the Drama Triangle Workbook for Relationship Couples Counseling as part of your membership. You can download it directly here.

Not a member yet? You can learn more about the Therapy Resource Library and everything it includes right here.

P.P.S. Looking for even more real-world insights on the Drama Triangle? 🌱 You’ll find them here: The Drama Triangle Workbook: Tools for Relationship Transformation.