Discovering that your teen might be self-harming can feel overwhelming, heartbreaking, and even frightening. As a parent, you want nothing more than to protect them, to ease their pain, and to ensure they’re safe. But when self-harm enters the picture, it’s easy to feel helpless—unsure of what to say or do next.
If you’re here, know this: You’re not alone. Many parents face this challenge, and while it’s painful to witness, there are ways to support your teen through this. Self-harm is not a sign of failure—not for you, and not for them. Instead, it’s a sign that they are struggling and need compassionate support, not shame or punishment.
So, what can you do? How do you help your teen find healthier coping mechanisms? And how can you ensure they feel understood, rather than isolated?
In this blog, we’ll break down what self-harm is, why it happens, and how you can help. We’ll also explore 60 self-harm prevention coping skills—practical strategies that can help teens manage their emotions in safer, healthier ways.
By the end of this guide, you’ll have a deeper understanding of self-harm, along with tangible tools and strategies to support your teen on their journey toward healing.
You are not alone in this. There is hope.
Understanding Self-Harm (Educational + Myth-Busting)
Supporting a teen who is self-harming starts with understanding what self-harm is—and what it isn’t. Many parents initially feel confused or overwhelmed when they discover their teen is engaging in self-harm, often wondering:
❓ Why would they do this to themselves? ❓ Is this just a phase? ❓ Does this mean they’re suicidal?
These are valid concerns, and addressing them with accurate, compassionate information is crucial. Let's break down what self-harm really means, why teens turn to it, and the warning signs to look out for.
What Is Self-Harm?
Self-harm—also called non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI)—is when a person deliberately hurts themselves as a way to cope with emotional distress. It’s often done in secret and may involve behaviors like:
✔️ Cutting or scratching the skin ✔️ Burning oneself ✔️ Hitting or punching oneself ✔️ Picking at wounds to prevent healing ✔️ Pulling out hair (trichotillomania) ✔️ Ingesting harmful substances ✔️ Interfering with breathing (e.g., choking or asphyxiation behaviors)
Many parents assume self-harm is a suicide attempt, but in most cases, it’s not. Instead, it’s a way for teens to cope with overwhelming emotions, numbness, or stress when they don’t have healthier strategies to turn to.
Why Do Teens Self-Harm?
Teens who self-harm often describe it as a temporary relief from emotional pain, a way to feel in control, or a method of expressing feelings they can’t put into words. Common reasons include:
🔹 Emotional Regulation: Self-harm provides a short-lived sense of relief from sadness, anger, or anxiety. 🔹 A Sense of Control: When life feels chaotic, self-harm can feel like the only thing within their control. 🔹 Numbness: Some teens don’t feel emotions deeply and use self-harm to experience something rather than nothing. 🔹 Unspoken Pain: Many teens struggle to express emotions verbally, and self-harm becomes a silent form of communication. 🔹 Self-Punishment: Some teens struggle with self-worth and may use self-harm as a way to punish themselves for perceived failures.
Important: While self-harm can be linked to depression, anxiety, trauma, or past abuse, not every teen who self-harms has a diagnosed mental health condition. It’s always a sign of emotional distress that should be taken seriously.
How Can I Tell the Difference Between Self-Harm and Suicidal Behavior?
One of the biggest fears parents have is: Does self-harm mean my teen is suicidal?
While self-harm is not always a suicide attempt, it’s still a red flag that should never be ignored. Here’s how they differ:
Self-Harm | Suicidal Behavior |
Done to cope with emotions | Done with the intent to end life |
Provides temporary relief | Indicates hopelessness and despair |
Often hidden or secretive | May involve farewell messages, giving away possessions |
Can escalate if underlying distress isn’t addressed | Requires immediate intervention |
May be followed by feelings of guilt or shame | Often accompanied by a sense of finality or giving up |
If you're ever unsure about your teen’s intentions or safety, always reach out to a mental health professional for guidance.
Does Self-Harm Lead to Suicide?
Not every teen who self-harms is suicidal, but self-harm can increase the risk of suicide over time. Why? Because the same emotional distress that fuels self-harm can, if left unaddressed, worsen feelings of hopelessness.
The best way to prevent self-harm from escalating is to: ✔️ Create a safe space for open conversations ✔️ Encourage healthier coping mechanisms ✔️ Seek professional support when needed
Myths About Self-Harm
There’s a lot of misinformation about self-harm, which can lead to harmful misunderstandings. Let’s clear up some common myths:
🚫 Myth: "They’re just doing it for attention."
✅ Reality: Most teens who self-harm go to great lengths to hide it, not to seek attention.
🚫 Myth: "Only girls self-harm."
✅ Reality: Self-harm affects all genders—it’s just more socially acceptable for girls to discuss emotions.
🚫 Myth: "If they self-harm, they must be suicidal." ✅ Reality: Many teens self-harm to cope with emotions, not to end their life—but it’s still a serious concern.
🚫 Myth: "They’ll just grow out of it."
✅ Reality: Self-harm is a coping mechanism that won’t disappear unless healthier alternatives are introduced.
🚫 Myth: "If I take away the objects they use to self-harm, the problem will be solved."
✅ Reality: Removing sharp objects or other tools may delay the behavior, but without addressing the underlying distress, the urge to self-harm will likely continue in other ways.
Warning Signs of Self-Harm
Teens often go to great lengths to hide self-harm, but there are some signs parents can look out for:
🔹 Physical Signs: Unexplained cuts, burns, or scars—especially on arms, thighs, or stomach. 🔹 Behavioral Signs: Wearing long sleeves or pants even in hot weather, avoiding activities that involve showing skin (like swimming). 🔹 Emotional Signs: Increased anxiety, withdrawal, irritability, or secretive behavior. 🔹 Possession of Self-Harm Tools: Finding razors, lighters, broken glass, or sharp objects in their room or belongings. 🔹 Frequent Excuses for Injuries: Teens may say they "fell," "scratched themselves," or "accidentally cut themselves while shaving" more often than seems reasonable.
If you notice these signs, don’t panic. Instead, approach your teen with warmth and curiosity rather than punishment or fear. The goal is to help them feel safe enough to talk, not ashamed or guilty.
How Parents Can Help (Practical Steps for Immediate Support)
Discovering that your teen is self-harming can bring up a wave of emotions—fear, sadness, confusion, even guilt. As a parent, it’s natural to want to fix things immediately, but the way you respond can make a big difference in whether your teen feels safe opening up to you.
The First Steps When You Find Out Your Teen Is Self-Harming
🔹 Stay Calm. Your first reaction matters. While it’s understandable to feel panicked, upset, or even angry, reacting with shock or punishment can push your teen further into secrecy.
🔹 Have a Conversation Without Judgment. Instead of asking "Why are you doing this?" (which can feel accusatory), try:
"I noticed some marks on your arms. I’m not upset, I just want to understand what you’re going through."
"I’m here for you. Can you tell me what’s been happening?"
🔹 Validate Their Emotions. Let them know their feelings are real and that you’re not going to judge them. Say things like:
"I can see that you’re really struggling, and I want to help."
"You’re not alone in this. We’ll figure it out together."
🔹 Avoid Overreacting or Making Threats. Saying "If you do this again, I’ll take your door off its hinges!" may come from a place of fear, but it won’t address the underlying distress.
🔹 Don’t Demand Immediate Answers. Your teen may not even fully understand why they self-harm yet. Give them space while reassuring them that you’re ready to listen when they’re comfortable.
Encouraging Open Communication Without Shame
For many teens, self-harm is a secret—one they feel ashamed of. That’s why creating a safe, judgment-free space is key. Here’s how:
✔️ Listen More Than You Speak. Instead of jumping to solutions, allow your teen to share at their own pace. Sometimes, just feeling heard can be a step toward healing.
✔️ Be Mindful of Your Reactions. Avoid gasping, crying, or making them feel guilty. A calm response helps reassure them that you can handle the conversation.
✔️ Normalize Talking About Mental Health. Self-harm often comes with shame and isolation. Let your teen know that struggling with emotions isn’t something to hide and that they’re not alone.
✔️ Ask Open-Ended Questions:
"When do you notice the urge to self-harm the most?"
"What feelings do you experience before and after self-harming?"
"What do you think would help you in those moments?"
✔️ Avoid Blaming Yourself. Many parents internalize guilt, but this isn’t about something you "did wrong"—it’s about helping your teen move forward.
When to Seek Professional Help
Self-harm is a sign of emotional distress, and professional support can help address the root causes. But how do you know when to reach out for help?
🔹 If self-harm is frequent or escalating (larger wounds, more risky behaviors). 🔹 If your teen is experiencing suicidal thoughts. 🔹 If they have other serious mental health concerns like depression, anxiety, or trauma. 🔹 If they’re unable to talk about their emotions or cope in other ways. 🔹 If they are using self-harm as their primary or only coping strategy.
Teens who rely solely on self-harm to manage emotions may struggle with long-term emotional regulation and benefit greatly from professional support.
Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It means you’re giving your teen the tools they need to navigate their emotions safely.
Supporting Teens in Adopting Healthy Coping Skills
Many teens who self-harm don’t know how to replace it with healthier coping methods. That’s where practical alternatives come in.
✔️ Introduce Coping Skills Gradually. Avoid overwhelming your teen by suggesting too many changes at once. Instead, ask:
"Would you be open to trying something different the next time you feel the urge to self-harm?"
✔️ Let Them Explore What Works Best for Them. Some teens find comfort in sensory-based strategies, while others prefer creative outlets or physical movement. Encourage experimentation to see what feels most helpful.
✔️ Use Encouragement, Not Pressure. Instead of saying, "You need to stop self-harming," try:
"I know this is tough, but I believe in you. Let’s find some things that might help."
✔️ Be Patient. Healing takes time. Even if your teen still struggles, each small step toward healthier coping is progress.
✔️ Model Healthy Coping Strategies. Teens learn by example. If they see you managing stress through journaling, mindfulness, or exercise, they may be more open to trying similar techniques themselves.
10 Coping Skills Categories (With Short Real-Life Scenarios for Each) with 60 Coping Skills
Now that we've explored why teens self-harm and how parents can offer support, the next step is introducing healthy alternatives that can help replace self-harming behaviors.
Coping skills work best when they are: ✔ Accessible—Teens should be able to use them in the moment when distress arises. ✔ Personalized—Not every strategy works for every teen, so they should experiment with different options. ✔ Encouraged, not forced—Teens are more likely to use coping skills if they feel empowered to choose rather than being told what to do.
1. Sensory-Based Coping Skills (Grounding and distraction through the senses.)
Sensory coping skills help redirect focus away from self-harm urges by engaging one or more senses.
Example: Emma, feeling overwhelmed after a tough day at school, holds an ice cube in her hand. The cold sensation gives her something to focus on and helps her ride out the urge to self-harm.
Ice Cube Hold
Sensory Box
Aromatherapy
Chewing Gum
Soap Carving
Clay Molding
Worry Stones
Elastic Band Technique
Sensory Stimulation
2. Creative Expression (Using art, writing, and creativity to release emotions.)
Creative outlets provide a healthy way to externalize emotions that might otherwise feel too intense.
Example: Instead of self-harming, Jordan uses a washable marker to draw intricate designs on his arm, helping him release stress through creativity.
Drawing on Skin
Scribble Art
Wax Sealing (Newly Added!)
Mandala Drawing
Art Therapy
Photography
Crafting
Origami
Upcycling Project
3. Physical Activity (Using movement to release tension.)
Exercise can help channel built-up emotions in a productive way.
Example: Instead of cutting, Noah puts on his favorite music and does a set of high-intensity jumping jacks until his body feels less tense.
High-Intensity Exercise
Physical Exercise
Dancing
4. Mindfulness & Meditation (Focusing on the present moment.)
Mindfulness helps teens slow down and observe their emotions without acting on them.
Example: Lena sits outside and practices deep breathing, matching her breath to the rhythm of the
leaves swaying in the wind.
Mindful Breathing
Mindfulness Meditation
Nature Walks
5. Distraction Techniques (Shifting focus in the moment.)
Distraction techniques engage the brain and hands, helping teens ride out urges safely.
Example: Rather than turning to self-harm, Kai pops bubble wrap, focusing on the sound and sensation until the urge passes.
Bursting Bubbles
Popping Bubble Wrap
Spinning a Coin
Watching a Movie
Doing Puzzles
Stargazing
Interactive Apps
Playing Music
6. Emotional Regulation (Tools for managing intense emotions.)
Instead of suppressing emotions, these techniques help teens process them in a healthy way.
Example: Instead of hurting herself, Ava tears up a piece of paper, symbolizing letting go of her frustration.
Journaling
Butterfly Project
Affirmation Jar
Positive Affirmations
Mental Vacation
Comedy (Newly Added!)
Destroying Paper
Playing Music
7. Cognitive Techniques (Engaging the mind to shift perspective.)
Cognitive techniques help reframe negative thoughts and create distance from distressing emotions.
Example: Instead of self-harming, Xavier writes a letter to himself from the perspective of a close friend, offering kindness and encouragement.
Create a Delay Jar
Reading a Book
Learning a New Skill
Practicing Gratitude
Letter Writing
8. Social Support (Connecting with others.)
Social connection reduces isolation and reminds teens that they are not alone in their struggles.
Example: Instead of cutting, Olivia texts her best friend and asks if they can go for a walk together.
Calling a Friend
Volunteering
9. Self-Soothing (Comforting and calming activities.)
Self-soothing activities help regulate the nervous system and provide a sense of calm.
Example: Instead of self-harming, Ethan watches glitter swirl in a sensory jar, feeling more grounded as he focuses on the movement.
Create a Playlist
Glitter Jar
Pet Therapy
Cooking/Baking
Gardening
Mindful Coloring
Temporary Tattoos
DIY Stress Ball
Try a New Hairstyle
Shadow Puppetry
Pot an Indoor Plant
10. Novelty & Exploration (Engaging curiosity and adventure.)
Exploring new things can shift focus away from distress and bring a sense of accomplishment.
Example: Instead of harming himself, Malik goes outside to birdwatch, noticing how observing nature brings him a sense of peace.
Exploring a New Place
Bird Watching
How to Help Your Teen Find the Right Coping Skills
Every teen is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Here’s how you can help:
✔ Encourage experimentation. Suggest they try different skills and notice which ones feel most helpful.
✔ Model coping skills yourself. Show them that healthy coping is a lifelong process.
✔ Celebrate small victories. Even if they only use a coping skill once, acknowledge the effort.
How the "Self-Harm Prevention Coping Skills Cards for Teens" Can Help
Now that we've explored why self-harm happens and introduced 60 coping skills that can help teens manage distress in healthier ways, let’s talk about a resource that can make practicing these skills easier, more structured, and accessible:
Why Coping Skill Cards?
When teens are feeling overwhelmed, it can be hard for them to remember what coping strategies they have available—especially in the heat of the moment. That’s where the Self-Harm Prevention Coping Skills Cards for Teens come in.
These easy-to-use cards give teens:
✔ A structured way to explore coping strategies—so they’re not left guessing what might work.
✔ Quick reminders of healthy alternatives to self-harm—reducing the urge to engage in harmful behaviors.
✔ A sense of control—they can choose a skill that resonates with them instead of feeling forced into one.
✔ A hands-on tool to use alongside therapy—reinforcing what they’re learning in a concrete way.
✔ An easy-to-access resource during distressing moments—allowing teens to physically pick up a card when they need support instead of feeling stuck in harmful urges.
What’s Included in the Coping Skill Cards?
Each card presents a specific, practical coping strategy from the 60 we’ve already covered. These skills are grouped into different categories, making it easier for teens to find strategies that fit their needs and personality.
The set includes:
🔹 Sensory-based grounding techniques (e.g., Ice Cube Hold, Sensory Box, Worry Stones)
🔹 Creative expression skills (e.g., Drawing on Skin, Mandala Drawing, Wax Sealing)
🔹 Physical and mindfulness-based strategies (e.g., Dancing, Mindful Breathing, Nature Walks)
🔹 Distraction techniques (e.g., Playing Music, Bursting Bubbles, Doing Puzzles)
🔹 Emotional regulation and cognitive strategies (e.g., Journaling, Affirmation Jar, Destroying Paper)
🔹 Social support and self-soothing techniques (e.g., Calling a Friend, Pet Therapy, Glitter Jar)
How to Use These Cards with Your Teen
Whether your teen is just beginning their journey of exploring healthier coping mechanisms or they’ve been working on it for a while, these cards provide a structured yet flexible way to practice new skills.
Here are a few ways you can encourage your teen to use them:
✔ Make it a low-pressure activity. Instead of telling them, "You need to use these cards," try:
"I found these, and I thought they might be helpful. If you’re ever feeling stuck, they’re here for you to check out."
✔ Let them choose their own coping strategy. Having a sense of choice and control makes teens more likely to engage with the skills.
✔ Use the cards as conversation starters. Ask,
"Is there a skill on here that you think would be helpful?"
"Which one seems like something you’d actually try?"
✔ Integrate them into daily routines. Encourage your teen to pick a card at the start of the day or keep a few favorites in their backpack for tough moments.
✔ Use them alongside professional support. These cards aren’t meant to replace therapy, but they can be a powerful complement to it.
Why These Cards Matter
The journey toward healthier coping takes time, patience, and support. Teens who struggle with self-harm need gentle encouragement, not pressure—and having a resource like these coping skill cards makes that process more approachable and practical.
Giving your teen tools they can physically hold and engage with can make a huge difference. Sometimes, just having a tangible reminder that they have options besides self-harm is enough to help them make a different choice.
The goal is not just to stop self-harm—it’s to help teens develop lifelong emotional regulation skills that support their well-being for years to come.
Parental Self-Care: Supporting Your Teen While Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting a teen through self-harm prevention can be emotionally exhausting. As a parent, it’s natural to focus all your energy on helping your child, but neglecting your own well-being can lead to burnout, frustration, and emotional fatigue.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. When you’re well-supported and emotionally balanced, you’re in a much better place to provide steady, compassionate support for your teen.
Why Parental Self-Care Matters
When parents neglect their emotional health, it often leads to: ❌ Increased stress, anxiety, or feeling overwhelmed. ❌ Difficulty responding to your teen with patience and empathy. ❌ A sense of hopelessness or guilt about not doing "enough."
Your teen needs you to be a source of stability, and that’s only possible when you’re taking care of your own emotional needs too.
Simple Self-Care Strategies for Parents
Caring for yourself doesn’t have to be time-consuming or complicated. Even small shifts can help you stay resilient while supporting your teen.
✔ Find Your Own Coping Strategies. Just like your teen needs healthy coping tools, you do too. Whether it’s journaling, exercising, or talking to a friend—prioritize what helps you recharge.
✔ Set Emotional Boundaries. It’s okay to be deeply invested in your teen’s well-being, but absorbing all their emotions can be draining. Remind yourself:
"I am here to support my teen, but I don’t have to carry all their pain."
✔ Seek Support for Yourself. Parenting a teen who struggles with self-harm can feel isolating. Consider:
Talking to a therapist or counselor.
Joining a support group for parents of teens struggling with mental health.
Leaning on trusted friends or family members.
✔ Practice Self-Compassion. It’s easy to blame yourself or feel like you’re failing. Remind yourself:
"I’m doing my best, and my best is enough."
✔ Take Breaks Without Guilt. Even 10 minutes of deep breathing, walking, or enjoying a hobby can help you reset and recharge.
✔ Keep Perspective. Your teen’s healing journey may have ups and downs, and that’s okay. Celebrate small progress and remember that recovery is a process.
✔ Model Healthy Emotional Regulation. Teens learn from the adults around them. If they see you handling stress in healthy, constructive ways, they’re more likely to do the same.
You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
Helping your teen doesn’t mean losing yourself in the process. The more you care for your own well-being, the better equipped you’ll be to support, guide, and encourage your teen through their healing journey.
Next Steps
Supporting a teen through self-harm prevention is a journey—one that requires patience, understanding, and compassion. If you’ve made it this far, it means you care deeply about your teen’s well-being, and that alone makes an incredible difference.
There’s no quick fix, but with open communication, healthy coping skills, and the right resources, your teen can learn to navigate their emotions safely. Self-harm is not a life sentence—it’s a behavior that can be replaced with healthier alternatives over time.
If you’re looking for a structured, accessible tool to help your teen explore healthier coping strategies, the Self-Harm Prevention Coping Skills Cards for Teens can be a valuable resource. These cards provide gentle, practical support that your teen can turn to whenever they need it.
Gentle Observation: Your teen is not alone, and neither are you. You don’t have to have all the answers—you just have to show up. And you’re already doing that.
Jemma (Gentle Observations)
P.s If you are a Therapy Resource Library member you can download these cards from within your membership here
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